From the USA to Japan

Who are you and where are you from?

My name is Heather Shirai and I am mostly from South Carolina, USA. I say mostly because I lived there since I was 13 years old but prior to that I was born in Rhode Island (where both my parents were raised) and have lived in Virginia, USA; England; Louisiana, USA; and Connecticut, USA.

Where do you live now?
I live in Kobe, Japan.

Do you live with your family?
Yes.I live with my husband in his hometown.

How old are you?
33 

Share your reason for leaving your country.
When I first came to Japan I just wanted to live outside the USA in somewhere completely different, but where I could earn a living and continue to pay my student loans. I decided on Japan for no other reason than it fit all of the above reasons and seemed intriguing. I found a job via the internet and I had no training in the language or any Japanese arts/culture before arriving just outside of Tokyo in Saitama. 

It was a very difficult adjustment and I felt very alone a lot of the time because I worked in a school where I was the only English speaker. After about one and a half years here I met my husband. His band just happened to be playing at a live show I went to and I really liked their music and seeing them live. My girlfriends started a conversation with him and I just asked for his website so I could see them play again sometime – I was totally not interested in dating as I was leaving in six months. He didn’t have a website at the time so gave me his email address – when I emailed re: the next show he responded by asking about how I ended up in Japan. 

Our emails started to get longer and longer and I started looking forward to receiving them – I had a crush! To make a long story short – we started a LDR (he lived about an 8 hour car ride or 3 hours/US$200 train ride from me) and got to really like each other. He asked me to stay in Japan but I thought it would be very stupid to stay for a guy so left anyway. My plan when I got back to the USA was to stay at my mom’s a bit while I worked a little to save some money, find a job outside of South Carolina and move. I ended up working at a Japanese Steak House and staying up all night on instant messenger with him. 

I couldn’t seem to get one foot in front of the other and leave Japan totally behind to get on with my US life. I realized I was in love. He said I could just come stay with him on a three month tourist visa and see if I liked living with him in Kobe – he just wanted me to give it a shot. So, I did – he proposed about a week before my return flight home and the rest is history!

Were the adjustments difficult?
Since I went through the worst of adjusting to Japan life as a single girl – it wasn’t so bad but I still struggle with the language and certain things about the culture. Mostly the following: 

• I still get stared at and treated differently because I’m a “gaijin” (foreigner). 
• I am VERY limited in job opportunities because I cannot read or write the language fluently. 
• It is still difficult to find clothes in my size that aren’t outrageously expensive. 
• I always feel big and clumsy even though I’m a normal-sized (sometimes might I even say – ghasp – small girl) in America 
• Shopping still is difficult because I don’t have good reading skills

What was the immigration process like (visas, work permits, residency, etc.)?
I came on a tourist visa (90 days), we registered our marriage at the local ward/borough office and then my husband did the paper work to register me on a spouse visa. I had to get a notarized document from my consulate stating that I was able to marry and he had to provide documents pertaining to his work, family, financial status, etc. He also had to write an essay as to how we met, etc. and our relationship now. We had to provide photos of me with his family to prove they were aware of me, etc. 

Since all of our documents were in order, it only took a little under two months for me to obtain the three-year spousal visa. I have just renewed it for the first time and that took an hour or so at the immigration office. I am also applying for permanent residency now and have submitted my documents for that but am still waiting. I’ve heard that could take up to a year to get a response on. 

Are you working?

Yes. I worked as an English teacher for my first two years here and now am working doing Project Management/Managing the Computer Systems of a local importing business. It pays less and has less holidays than teaching but I feel like it’s better career-wise.

What are the pros and cons of living in your new country? 

Cons: 

• I’m VERY limited career-wise. 
• I cannot read/write the language well (it takes native speakers until they are about 11 years old before they can read a newspaper and I’ve only been here 5 years in total). 
• It is very far and expensive for me to visit family/friends or vice-versa 
• Clothes are difficult to come by 
• I will always be a “gaijin” (foreigner) and never fit in here – it’s a very homogenous society and I stand out 
• Again – the language. I’m conversational but still cannot express many things and it’s very tiring and frustrating all of the time. 
• I have to depend on others a lot due to my lack of language ability • I miss my family and friends terribly – and their life goes on without me. They tend to never make as much of an effort as I do to stay in touch and it hurts sometimes to always be the last to know, etc. 
• The medical system – not what I’m used to and sometimes I don’t think it’s up-to-date 

Pros: 

• It is a VERY safe country – I never feel threatened out alone late at night 
• It is a VERY convenient country – clean/punctual public transportation 
• I am able to walk many places I would like to go and don’t have to drive – I feel like this is better for my health and the environment 
• I love the food in Japan! 
• I am challenged everyday and feel a great sense of accomplishment when I realize how much I’ve learned here 
• I love the fashion here 
• I am free to be different & strange in a way because everyone expects me to be different to begin with and fashion restrictions are a lot more lenient in many ways here 
• I get less biased news coverage of the USA
• I get to experience and see a different culture! 
• The health care system – EONS better and more supportive than the USA 
• Lastly, but not least – my husband is here and I LOVE HIM!

Do you miss 'home'? How often do you go home?

Yes! I miss family, friends and SHOPPING where they have my size, it’s affordable and I can read the labels! I try to get back at least once every 1.5 years or so…but it’s far and EXPENSIVE! I think from now it’s going to be every 2 years because it’s just too much. 

Any advice to share? 

• Study the language & culture before you go!
• Study the language and culture when you are there! Take a class or get a language exchange – you’ll learn and make good friends! 
• Go for a trial basis first – LDRs can be very la la land-ish because you’re not in each other’s face seven days/week – be sure you can deal with it. 
• Get involved with groups of people from your home country or just with other foreigners there – they will be invaluable sources of advice and support. 
• Offer to help others who are new to the country – it will show you how much you’ve learned and make you feel good by helping someone else. You’ll also be reminded of all the magical things about the country that you noticed once but are day-to-day normal now. 
• That said – make it a point to also find a social circle within the new culture/country or you’ll end up living in a bubble. 
• Travel!! Get to see your new country/culture as much as possible.
• Get high speed internet, a page like Flickr where you can share photos and Skype if possible – will make keeping in touch SO much easier. 
• Laugh and bitch about it with a friend – NOT your husband. We all have the “I hate (insert new country)” days and usually with good reason. Even though your husband is your best friend and always there – he might take your complaints as a personal attack as it’s his country/culture too – maybe better to share with a friend instead. 
• Register with your country’s consulate/embassy – you never know when there might be a disaster (like the Kobe earthquake that killed 6,000 in 1995 where I live TODAY – gulp). 
• Be educated and prepared – we don’t want to think about the worst but even the best of relationships have gone sour and you don’t want to be depending on your husband and his family then. 

Any resources to share?

Japan specific: 

http://www.being-a-broad.com (this book helped me with advice and just validation of how I felt and what I was going through when I arrived – now they have a magazine, website, forum, etc.) 

http://www.charmjapan.org I volunteered with them and it was extremely informative to learn about non-English speaking /European nationalities here and what they have to struggle with

http://www.japanfile.com/modules/news if you live in my part of Japan – Kansai! 

http://www.fewkansai.com networking for foreign women – I’m on the board of directors! 

http://www.fewjapan.com the much bigger Tokyo chapter of the group 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MarriedinJapan web forum for foreign women married to Japanese men 

http://www.afwj.org association of foreign wives of Japanese – huge group with a great network! 

http://www.debito.org kind of a crazy American who got himself Japanese citizenship activist’s page – a lot of good information about foreigner’s rights in Japan, etc. though! 

General: 

http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/personal.html set your personal settings so you can see what time it is anywhere in the world – send it to your mother who will never remember what time it is where you are http://www.google.com/language_tools sometimes the translations are kind of out there but might give you a better idea